


Shadows On A Cavern Wall: Side A

by PhoenixAccio



Series: Shadows!verse [1]
Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album)
Genre: Gen, Internalized Transphobia, Trans Kobra Kid, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, kobra doesn’t know he’s trans yet, pronouns will switch to he/him as soon as he figures it out, unintentional misgendering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 15:46:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12844380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixAccio/pseuds/PhoenixAccio
Summary: When Gerard and Mikey leave Battery City to become killjoys, they discover that there's a lot more to freedom than they first thought.





	1. Chapter 1

Mikey knew she should be paying attention in class, but she was finding it a bit difficult today. Nerves can do that to a person.  
Mikey's leg had been bouncing for about the last hour in anticipation for that night's events, something she and her brother Gerard had been planning for months. They were going to run away.  
Neither of them had ever been completely comfortable in Battery City. It was nice, of course. Mikey understood why people liked it, but they'd still never felt quite comfortable, like a kind of nagging feeling at the back of both of their minds that something wasn't right.

It had originally been Gerard's idea, getting out. He'd always been more rebellious than Mikey, sneaking out and doing things he shouldn't. A couple of years ago, he'd been caught skipping school. Before that, Better Living had given him little but lecturing for his behaviour, but this had been the last straw.  
BLi had contacted Gerard's parents, and had them bring him to one of their medical offices for a checkup, and concluded that he needed his medication's dosage changed.

Everyone took the pills, of course. It was part of everyday life for residents of the city, something commonplace, so nobody questioned it. Of course Gerard's medication would need adjusting, if it wasn't helping him properly to reach his full potential.  
That's why Mikey was so shocked when, some months after the change, Gerard told her he had stopped taking it completely. It wasn't as if Mikey had never done anything Better Living disapproved of. Her "I'm a boy" phase several years ago was proof of that. But she hadn't been foolish enough to try and keep it a secret. Mikey had gone to BLi and gotten help. They had fixed her just fine, and she didn't understand why Gerard refused to get help like she had. Mikey had tried to convince him to return to taking his medication; she really had. Gerard, however, had refused to bend to logic. In the end, she had almost reported him, but something had stopped her, that nagging feeling, telling her something wasn't right. That somehow, reporting her brother might not turn out well at all. She had decided not to turn him in. Yet.

After that day, the little feeling had started to grow stronger, as if feeding off of the recognition. Little things at first, a sudden preference for the darker shades of standard BLi-issued clothing offered, dark greys and blacks, rather than the more popular lighter palette, or a vague feeling of loneliness or melancholy. Things that were just a normal part of everyday City life began to make Mikey slightly uncomfortable. The cameras on the corners of every building, for example. She knew, of course, that the cameras were only there for the protection of citizens like Mikey, but that didn't stop the little voice in her head: _"But isn't it creepy?"_

One day, Gerard had pulled her aside, saying something about the two of them "needing to talk".  
"Spill," he said.  
"What?" replied Mikey.  
"Spill," Gerard repeated. "Something's up."  
"I... I don't know what you're talking about," Mikey said carefully.  
"Oh come on, Mikes," Gerard said, and Mikey's eyes automatically flicked to the nearest security camera, even though she knew the camera had no microphone, that they couldn't really hear anything.

Better Living disapproved of nicknames. That was one rule Mikey didn't follow. There was nothing really _wrong_ with the name "Michelle", Mikey just preferred the shorter form.  
"Don't be like that. I can see the signs. I remember when I started doubting them."  
"Signs?" Mikey asked.  
"You wear all dark clothes, you're always all jumpy and distracted, and just now, when I called you 'Mikes', you think I didn't see you look at that camera?" Gerard gestured to the security camera with a slight tilt of his head.  
A traitorous breath escaped Mikey's lips, and Gerard grinned in triumph. Then, to Mikey's horror, tears started welling up in the corners of her eyes. She reached up and wiped at her eyes, hoping illogically that Gerard somehow hadn't seen.

"I don't know what's going on, Gerard," she said, cursing the choked tone of her voice. "This isn't supposed to happen. This can't happen, right?" 

"It's not supposed to," Gerard replied. "They don't even know it can. But it does." He shrugged. "It happened to me."

"Why do you say that like it's normal? It's not! It's awful. These medications are supposed to help people; if they don't work right, Better Living needs to know so they can fix it!"  
Gerard looked at Mikey sadly as she said this. Mikey glared back at him, but there was a touch of confusion. _Was he... sad? Why?_ "Are you okay?" Mikey asked finally.  
Gerard shook his head like a dog trying to dry off. "I'm fine."

"There's no way my medication is wearing off. It's fine," Mikey said after a few moments. She would just keep taking it, and hope nothing was happening. She trusted BLi. They just wanted everyone to feel their Best, right?

This went on for several months, and the feelings didn't go away. They didn't get stronger, either, but Mikey started noticing things she hadn't before. The blank smiles of the people in the street, or on TV; why was everyone always smiling? The phrasing of BLi's messages on billboards and on TV, no explanations for anything they were told to do. Just that it was "the proper thing to do", or some other fancy way of saying "because I said so".

Eventually, against her better judgement, Mikey decided to talk to Gerard again. She didn't want to, but denial could only take her so far. There was no longer any question about it. The medication definitely wasn't as strong as it had been. She needed help, and despite the constant voice in her mind telling her to tell Better Living, she couldn't help but feel like that was somehow a very bad idea.

Mikey took a breath and knocked on Gerard's bedroom door. She listened to his footsteps as he crossed the room to let her in. After a moment, the doors slid open noiselessly, to reveal Mikey's brother.

"Ready to stop lying to yourself?" Gerard asked, smirking at Mikey.

Mikey stood still for a moment, gathering herself, and then looked down, and nodded her head yes.

*

And so here Mikey was. Sitting, anxiously, in class, waiting for school to end. Today was the day. They were getting out of this creepy city. With the white sky, white ground, white walls, white clothes. Everything was white, and Mikey was sick of it.

She looked at the clock on the wall of the classroom. Class was nearly over. The teacher was still in full swing of the lesson. BLi wasn't much for wasting time. Class ended exactly on schedule; no earlier, no later.  
Finally, the bell rang, signifying the end of school. Mikey stood up with the rest of the class, and tried not to look too excited. She exited the room with everyone else and navigated her way through the building to the back doors, where Gerard was waiting outside, frustrated at how long it was taking to get there. She would've ran if she could've without raising any suspicion, and they couldn't afford that right now.  
Mikey stopped, having reached her destination, and opened the door. As promised, her brother was waiting on the other side. As soon as he saw her, he nodded, and turned to walk in the direction of their family's apartment, Mikey following close behind.  
It wasn't a long walk to their building. The residential buildings for families with children were located near the school, to make the commute easier. Mikey wasn't Better Living's biggest fan, but she had to hand it to them; their city planning wasn't half bad.

Mikey and Gerard entered the building. Their apartment was on the fifth floor, so they had to take the elevator up. The silence in the tiny white box was jarring. Sure, it hadn't been exactly loud before, but the slap of their shoes against the pavement and the rush of thoughts had filled in the space. Now, as they stood silently together, the lack of... anything came off as eerie.

The elevator beeped, the sound snapping the two siblings out of their stupor, and the doors slid open; silent, like every other door in the city. They stepped out, and ran down the hall to their door. The two ran inside, and Mikey ran to her room. She looked around her room, trying to think of things she might need. Grabbing a bag, she walked around her room, collecting her comb, a water bottle she had, and a photo of Mikey standing beside her brother, their parents smiling behind them. The perfect BLi-sanctioned family. Mikey let out a bitter laugh. If only they could see her now. 

Well, they could, technically. It wasn't like her parents were _dead_ or anything, but if anyone had told her back then, if anyone had told her _last year,_ Mikey would have probably reported them to BLi.

Unable to think of anything else to bring, Mikey reached out, on autopilot, only after a few moments realizing where her hand was headed, and stopping, her hand held in midair. She had been reaching for her pills. Mikey took a deep breath. She and Gerard were starting a new life. She wouldn't need these pills in the desert. Mikey let her hand drop, and picked up her bag, heading for the kitchen to grab some food. Gerard would be carrying food as well, and Mikey's water bottle would be full. She and her brother grabbed all the food they could easily carry and prepare, and hoped it would be enough.

Gerard and Mikey walked out of the apartment together, took the elevator to the ground floor, and left the building. As they walked out the sliding glass double doors, Mikey turned back and took one last look at the building she and her brother had lived in their whole lives. She could hardly believe they would never see it again. She wasn't all too sad, not much to hold onto when everything looked the same, but it seemed a bit surreal. They were just up and leaving. No word to anyone, just gone. Would their parents miss them? Would their parents be _allowed_ to miss them, or able to? That was a negative emotion, after all.  
That was sad, Mikey thought. Not being able to miss your own children because you were on so many pills.  
Mikey shook her head and turned away from the apartment complex to follow her brother, who she had fallen behind as he'd kept walking while she'd been staring wistfully at the building they would no longer be calling home. She sped up a little to a slight jog to catch up.

They walked in silence down the blank, empty streets. Slowly, the buildings started to look a little older, less well maintained. It appeared to be more populated the farther they went. People were milling about the streets, sparse, but increasing.  
"We're getting closer to the edge of the City," Gerard guessed, breaking the silence.  
Mikey hummed in agreement. She had no idea, really, but it seemed like a reasonable conclusion.  
They kept walking.

The buildings were in greater disrepair the farther they went, until you could almost call them dilapidated. There were lots of people now. Some of them looking like they were addicted to something a little stronger than was handed out by BLi. Mikey had even seen a couple of homeless people.  
At least, she thought they were homeless. The only homeless people she'd ever seen before today were in pictures they'd looked at in History class of the horrors that had existed before Better Living had taken over. Mikey hadn't thought anyone even _was_ homeless anymore, but she supposed she'd been wrong. She'd been wrong about a lot of things, apparently.  
One thing she was relatively certain about, though, was that they were definitely almost there. 

After a few more minutes, they reached the wall that surrounded Battery City. Gerard and Mikey looked up at the monolith of white cement bricks.  
"How are we getting past that?" Mikey asked Gerard.  
"Look at what the City looks like over here," Gerard replied. "They obviously don't care much about upkeep this far out. Follow me." He motioned to Mikey to come with him, and began to walk along the wall. Mikey followed Gerard, wondering what he meant.  
"Perfect," Gerard said, a few minutes later, as he stopped and turned to face the wall, or... lack of one. Mikey stopped too and turned to look where her brother was looking. Instead of blank stone, there was a hole in the wall that circled the City, about the right size for two people to fit through, and through it, the most beautiful thing Mikey had ever seen.

On the other side of the wall was the most colour Mikey had ever seen in her life. Brown and green plants, yellow sand, and, in the distance, the sky turned from it's normal light grey to a brilliant blue. Mikey hasn't known anything could even _be_ that blue. A huge smile was creeping across her face. She turned to Gerard, whose face was a mirror of hers. They looked at each other in awe for a moment, before Mikey grabbed Gerard's hand, and, both taking a deep breath, the siblings stepped out into the sandy terrain of the desert, and began their new lives.


	2. Chapter 2

Mikey was feeling like she and Gerard may have been a bit underprepared when they had decided to run away.  
Mikey didn't know how long they'd been in the desert -- time was hard when all you had to go by was the sun, and your own erratic sleep schedules -- but she knew they had run out of food a few days ago, and water some time before that. Some of the food they'd packed had been mostly liquid so they had at least had some fluids when both Gerard's and Mikey's water bottles had run dry. It wasn't as if they hadn't been rationing their water or anything. They at least knew well enough to do that.  
Unfortunately, regardless of Gerard's and Mikey's water conservation skills, they were still out of food and water.

Mikey and Gerard had been walking for hours today. They had woken up sometime in the morning, and walked all day. At this point they were just walking to walk, not headed anywhere specific, just looking for something to do. Hoping something -- fate, some god, the universe, whatever -- would direct them where they needed to be.

Unfortunately, if that was the case, whatever higher power was controlling the universe must've been nursing a pretty big grudge against Gerard and Mikey.  
Mikey was walking beside her brother, staring at nothing and trying not to think about how dry her mouth felt, when she saw a blurry white shape in the distance. 

"Hey, Gerard?" she said, tapping her brother on the shoulder. Or, she tried to, but no sound came out. She swallowed to clear her throat, and tried again.  
"Gerard? Do you see that-"

"White thing over there?" Gerard guessed.  
"Yeah. What do you think it is?"

Mikey shrugged. "Let's just ignore it I guess, and hope it's nothing?"

Gerard nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

They kept walking, but after a few minutes, it seemed that ignoring the white thing in the distance might not be an option. The thing was getting closer, and as it did, Gerard and Mikey saw that apparently it was four things instead of one. The figures looked humanoid, and for a moment Mikey was excited at the thought of finally seeing another human (other than Gerard) for the first time in, what, a week? 

More details came into focus as the figures approached. White suits, black hair. That wasn't right. Weren't the desert dwellers meant to be all about colour? Mikey frowned, squinting at the approaching group, and picked up on a splash of pigment on the monochrome forms. Red. Each of the people had blood red lips. Mikey felt as if the bottom of her stomach had dropped out. Black hair, white suits, and those bright crimson lips, one of the first colours she'd ever seen. She knew what the figures were. Of course she did.

Mikey looked over at Gerard, just as he turned his head to do the same. What were they going to do to get out of this? Neither of them had any weapons, and it's difficult to fight someone who's in peak condition when you're two weak teenagers who haven't eaten in days, whether you have weapons or not. The draculoids were closing in on them now. Mikey took a deep breath. They were surrounded, there was no getting out of this.  
It seemed a shame to die so soon after getting out of the City. Mikey had been hoping they'd at least last a _bit_ longer. Still, she would rather die out here, with all the colours, and the freedom, then live in the monochrome confines of Battery City. That was a choice Mikey could make in an instant. The draculoids closed in on Mikey and Gerard like a pack of wild dogs, and Mikey shut her eyes, ready for the end.  
She heard a ray gun fire. Four consecutive shots, the light flashing white behind her eyelids, but there was no pain, she didn't fall.

Mikey opened one eye. She wasn't dead. Neat.

Then, her brain stopped running around in a panic, and Mikey was able to process her surroundings. She was on the ground, she noticed. When had that happened? She could see Gerard out if the corner of her eye, and he looked alive to her. That was good.  
In the center of Mikey's vision, however, was about the last thing she expected to see. Leaning over her was a man in a leather jacket. Mikey would have been elated at the thought of finally having a conversation with someone other than  
Gerard, if the stranger weren't so bizarre.  
He had an eye patch covering his right eye, and an enormous mane of fluffy curls. 

Mikey had never seen anything like the man kneeling at her side in her life. Curly hair was rare in the City, and nobody's hair was long enough there, even if it was the right texture, to do _this_.

Mikey looked around them, eyes landing on each draculoid, lying dead on the ground around them, finally settling on the ray gun in the man's hand. Mikey could guess easily enough what had happened.

The man held out his hand, the sun behind his head, illuminating his hair at the edges like a golden halo.  
Ironic, considering he'd just killed four draculoids like it was nothing.

"I'm Jet Star," the man said. He smiled gently, and any sense of threat around him disappeared. "You guys need any help?"

"We're fine!" Gerard snapped, reminding Mikey, who had somehow forgotten about him entirely, that she and the guy, Jet Star, weren't the only two people who existed.

Gerard was scowling, clearly not as thrilled with the new arrival as Mikey was.  
"We don't need your help," he said, glaring at Jet Star.

"Yes. We do," Mikey snapped back at her brother. "We have no weapons, no water, and no food. We would be dead right now if Jet Star hadn't been here!"

Jet Star watched the two bicker for a moment before speaking.

"You two are new to this, aren't you?" He said, helping Mikey to her feet. "I can give you food and water if you come with me, and maybe ray guns as well, if we're lucky."

That sounded like a pretty good deal to Mikey, but apparently Gerard wasn't so sure, judging by the sort of growling noise he made at the offer.  
Mikey glared at her brother before turning back to Jet Star.

"That sounds good. Thanks for saving us."

He grinned at her. "No problem. You looked like you needed help."

As Jet Star lead Gerard and Mikey into the desert, presumably to wherever the food and water were, Mikey turned to her brother again.

"Why can't you trust anyone?" She hissed. "He saved our _lives_ , Gee. And now he's about to save them again."

"Why can't I _trust_ anyone? Why _can_ you? We don't even know who he is!" Gerard spat.

Mikey huffed, and continued behind their guide, into the desert.

*

After maybe half an hour's walk, the three reached what must have been their destination. It looked like an old restaurant. Like, pre-helium wars old.

"Here we are!" Jet Star announced, confirming their suspicions. "The Diner. Home sweet home, for... just me, at the moment." He paused.  
"Hey, maybe you guys could stay here. I mean, if you want to."

Mikey thought that sounded like a pretty good idea, and opened her mouth to say so, but closed it again quickly when she caught sight of Gerard's glower.

They entered the diner, which was surprisingly clean compared to everything else they'd seen out here, and Jet Star gestured to one of the booths by the big window.

"Sit down," he tells them. "I'll go grab you some water and then we can talk."

Mikey and Gerard did as they were told, as Jet Star stalked off to another room to get a couple of water bottles.

When Jet Star returned, he did, indeed, have a bottle of water in each hand, which he set on the table in front of Mikey and Gerard, sliding into the booth so he's sitting across from them.

Mikey grabbed one of the bottles and opened it frantically. Her hands were shaking, which made it a little more difficult, but she eventually got it open.

Jet Star reached out slightly towards Mikey, and she paused, open water bottle in her hand, and gave Jet Star a strange look.

"Don't drink too fast," he explained. "You'll just throw it back up again."

Mikey took a careful sip from the bottle, maintaining wary eye contact with Jet Star, who laughed a little at the look. He remained silent after this until Mikey and Gerard had had some more water.

"You're new to the desert then," he says. It's not a question. "How long have you been out here?"

Mikey shrugs. "I can't really remember. Maybe a week?"

"Fresh from the City then. You're lucky I found you. Even if you managed to get away from those dracs, you can't last long without water, and not all killjoys are as nice as me." He laughed again, and Mikey tried to ignore the warm feeling in her chest.

"You're a killjoy," Gerard spoke up, breaking his previous annoyed silence.

"Yeah. That a problem?" Jet Star replied. There was no ill intent in his words, just curiosity.

"No," replied Gerard. "That's why we're here. We want to be killjoys."

"We do?" Mikey almost said, but stopped herself. She could handle that. Especially if it meant staying here, with food and water. And Jet Star. 

"I think I can help with that," Jet Star said with a grin. "But I gotta do something first. You guys are gonna need ray guns if I'm teaching you to shoot."

Gerard's eyes lit up at the mention of ray guns. Despite his original mistrust of Jet Star, he was on board now, apparently.

"Okay," said Jet Star, correctly reading the look on Gerard's face. "First, I make a call. Then the killjoy crash-course."

He stood, and crossed the room, grabbing a radio and headset from the front counter of the diner, and sat down on one of the stools bolted into the ground in front of the counter.

Jet Star plugged in the headphones and clicked on the radio, then began fiddling with the tuning knob. After a few seconds of this, he nodded slightly, clearly having found the channel he was looking for.

"Hey, Dr. D," Jet Star said casually, presumably to someone on the other end of the radio. Mikey wondered what the D stood for, unless it stood for itself the person's name was just 'Dee'.

The person on the other end must've responded, because Jet Star said, "Yeah, two kids. Runners, apparently, and new to it. The girl says they got outta the city maybe a week ago, but they're pretty rough. Be ghosts on the airwaves 'f I'dn't saved their asses." Jet Star paused for a moment, presumably letting the other person, Dr. D, speak.

"Yeah," he said a moment later. "Haven't eaten or drank in way too long and a bunch of dracs were on their asses when I showed. They ain't even got zaps or anythin'. Actually, that's part o' why I called--"

The conversation continued, but Mikey had stopped listening. She didn't actually have any clue what any of what Jet Star was saying meant. She was fairly certain he was talking about she and Gerard, but past that, nothing. Mikey looked at her brother. His deep brown hair was tangled and greasy, (as if it was ever very clean) making it look almost black. He had dark shadows under his eyes and his face looked a little thinner to her, although that might just have been because she was looking for it.  
 If she had seen someone like this in Battery City, she would have crossed the street immediately to avoid them. Not that she could say much. She doubted she looked any better than he did.  
 Mikey took another sip from the water bottle. It was taking a lot of self control to not just drink all of it as quickly as she could, but Jet Star had said she shouldn't, and she trusted him, despite their having just met.

 Across the room, Jet Star had apparently finished telling Dr. D whatever he needed to tell them, and was saying goodbye. He took off the headphones and stood up, wrapping the cord around the radio and sliding the set to the center of the counter.

 "That was a friend of mine, Dr. Death Defying. He runs a radio station out here," Jet explained rather unhelpfully.

 Mikey guessed that that had been what the D stood for then. That was one question answered.

 "His place is a bit of a hub for tumbleweed traders out here, so he has access to extra supplies every once in a while," Jet continued. "That's part of why I called him. The last person to come in had a stash of weapons they were trying to sell. Dr. D likes to keep a few extra ray guns for any new killjoys who come through, and you guys definitely count."

Jet Star looked at Mikey and Gerard and Mikey felt a smile creep across her face. "Wait, seriously?" she asks.

 Jet grins again. "Yep. Tomorrow I'm teaching you two how to shoot."

Gerard was apparently still trying to appear somewhat unimpressed, but Mikey could tell he was holding back a smile as well.


	3. Chapter 3

Mikey made a face as she swallowed a spoonful of Power Pup. She, Gerard, and Jet Star were sitting in the diner booth together, eating what Mikey assumed was intended to be dinner.

"I know it's bad," Jet laughed, seeing Mikey's expression. "But it's what we have, and as long as it gets the job done, right? You get used to it eventually." He shrugged.

Mikey paused with the spoon halfway to her mouth. "We never did tell you our names, did we?" she realized. 

"Don't," Jet Star said. "It doesn't really matter what your names were in the City. That's the past now. As far as anyone out here is concerned--or back there, for that matted--those people are dead. Out here, you're whoever you want to be."

Mikey took that in for a moment.

"So," she said, finally. "We just... get to, what, pick new names?"

"Yep," Jet Star replied. "You're new people now. You aren't the same people you were in Battery City, why should you keep the names they gave you?"

"How do we come up with _new names_ , though?" Gerard questioned.

"There aren't really rules, man." Jet replied. "A lot of killjoys choose their desert names after things that are important to them. Some people just pick something that sounds cool. It's totally up to you. Just keep in mind that this is what everyone's gonna be calling you, so make sure it's something you like."

They finished their food in silence after that. It wasn't awkward, Mikey and Gerard just had a lot to think about. A chance to totally reinvent themselves. They could be completely different people out here than they had been, down to even their names. They could be anyone they wanted. That was a lot of power to have.

Mikey and Gerard finished eating at around the same time.

"Okay, I gotta do some stuff first, but it's really late at night, and no offense, but you two look like you haven't slept in days."

Mikey wasn't even offended. They did look kind of awful. Jet's "haven't slept in days" theory was kind of pitifully close to the truth. Mikey was exhausted, especially now that she'd eaten, and from the looks of it, so was Gerard. The two siblings stood up, and Mikey nodded gratefully at Jet Star.

"Thanks a lot," she told Jet Star quietly. "You saved our lives."

"No problem," replied Jet Star kindly. "You looked like you needed a hand. Now go get some sleep so you look a little less like those dracs really had gotten your asses."

Mikey smiled. It registered in the back of her mind that Jet Star was speaking a little closer to how he had on the radio earlier. She didn't think she minded this.

Mikey turned and followed Gerard down the hall to the room Jet had pointed out. The two slept close to each other, as they had when they were wandering the open desert. They didn't need the warmth as much now as they wanted comfort in an unfamiliar setting. Mikey fell asleep to her brother's familiar breathing. It reminded her of home. She supposed this was her home now, at least temporarily. She supposed she was okay with that. Mikey felt like this would be a better home than Battery City ever was.

*

Mikey opened her eyes the next morning to Jet Star's face, and the chill of air beside her where Gerard had been the night before.

"Rise and shine, motorbaby!" Jet said cheerfully, but Mikey barely heard him. _Where was her brother?_

Mikey bolted up and scanned the room for Gerard.

Jet noticed her panic, and reassured her.

"Don't worry, kid. Your friend's already in the other room, having breakfast."

Mikey's shoulders relaxed. Her heartbeat, which had sped up substantially in her distress over Gerard's absence, was beginning to return to normal.

"He's my brother," she said quietly, after a moment.

"Your brother. Okay," Jet Star said, smiling again. "I can see the resemblance."

Jet got to his feet, straightening out from his previous position crouching beside the thin mattress that had served as Gerard and Mikey's bed the previous night, and Mikey stood to follow him out of the makeshift bedroom and into the main section of the diner.

The two walked down the hall, towards the main room. As Gerard came into view, sitting at the table with water and a piece of dark, tough desert bread, the remaining tension in Mikey's shoulders relaxed. _He was okay._

It wasn't as if she hadn't _believed_ Jet when he'd told her her brother was fine, but it was nice to see him. To be sure for herself he was alright.

Mikey crossed the room and sat down beside her brother, putting her head on his shoulder.

"What's up, Mikes?" Gerard asked, turning slightly to look at her.

"Mmng," Mikey mumbled in reply, moving to press her face into Gerard's neck.

Gerard wrapped an arm around Mikey, rubbing her back slightly. He could obviously tell Mikey was upset, and wanted to comfort her.

"You okay?" He asked.

Mikey closed her eyes.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "Yeah. I am now. You weren't there when Jet Star woke me up. I thought something had happened to you."

"I'm fine," Gerard whispered. "It's okay. You're okay."

Mikey nodded into his shoulder. "Sorry. Stressed." She laughed a little.

"That makes sense," Gerard laughed as well, quietly. "Sorry. I'll... I don't know. Stay near you until you're up, next time I wake up first."

"You don't have too--" Mikey started, but Gerard cut her off.

"It's okay. I don't mind waiting a bit for breakfast, if it keeps you from getting scared."

Mikey nodded again into her brother's neck.

"Speaking of breakfast," Gerard said, as Mikey felt him look up. Out of the corner of Mikey's vision, she saw Jet Star approaching, another hunk of desert bread in his hand, and two water bottles.

Mikey turned her head, still on Gerard's shoulder, and watched as Jet tore the bread in half. He held one half out to Mikey, and she reached out and took it, tearing off a piece with her teeth. It was different from the bread she and Gerard had eaten in the City; more filling. Mikey wasn't used to the extra effort required in chewing it, but after a few moments she decided she liked it.

They all sat around the table and ate their breakfast. Mikey lifted her head from Gerard's shoulder eventually, but stayed close enough that their shoulders were pressed together.

When they had finished, Jet stood up. Mikey and Gerard followed suit, and the three of them exited the diner.

"Dr. D is picking us up here, since I don't have a working ride," Jet explained. "I don't want you two getting heat stroke, since you don't know how to handle yourselves in a desert."

This comment earned Jet Star an indignant huff from Gerard, but Mikey, again, couldn't help but agree.

A few minutes of waiting later, and Jet said, "He's here."

Mikey concentrated, and did hear a far-away rumbling noise, getting closer as she listened. Soon enough, a white van pulled up next to the three teenagers.

A side door slid open to reveal a dark-haired man, with a beard, sunglasses, and a leather jacket. He was sitting in a wheelchair, and even so looked like he could probably beat Mikey nigh-instantly in a fight (although that wasn't saying much, if Mikey was honest.) Mikey, again, hadn't actually seen anyone in a wheelchair before. _One of the perks of BLi life,_ Mikey thought sarcastically. _All the diverse and interesting experiences._ Mikey wondered vaguely how many things like this she would encounter, before she found the edge of the knowledge BLi had chosen to withhold from its citizens.

Mikey heard a door open and close, and someone came around from behind the van, presumably having been the one driving.

The driver came into view, striding around the front of the van, and Mikey had no idea what to make of them. They were wearing a white crop top with the word "Noise" printed on it in black text, and what looked some kind of cropped black athletic shirt underneath, for whatever reason. They had on a pair of polka-dotted leggings with shorts over top, and some kind of red cat-eye shape painted around their left eye.  
Their hair was shoulder length and dark, and Mikey could not for the life of her figure out what gender they were.

The person looked at Mikey's face, and apparently found the confusion there amusing, because they laughed, before gesturing for Mikey and her companions to get into the van.

Jet, seeing as he already knew these two, got to ride shotgun, leaving Mikey and Gerard to stay in the back of the van, which contained no seats, and a great deal of technology, most of which Mikey had no idea of the purpose of. Also in the back was beard-guy, who reached out a hand for Mikey to shake.

"Hey, motorbaby. I'm Dr. Death Defying," He introduced himself. He smiled when Mikey grasped his hand nervously, and his face softened considerably. It made him a lot less scary-looking. 

"You can call me Dr. D," he continued, turning to shake Gerard's hand as well, who hesitantly accepted.

An enthusiastic "An' I'm Show Pony!" came from the front of the van where the person from earlier, Show Pony, apparently, was driving. Their voice didn't give any hints as to their gender either. Mikey was starting to get annoyed now. She didn't like not knowing things.

"You two smog rats have names yet?" asked Show Pony, taking both of their hands off of the steering wheel and turning all the way around in their seat to look at Mikey and Gerard. Jet Star calmly leaned over and grabbed the wheel himself, preventing the van from spinning out. He looked completely unfazed, like this was typical behaviour for Show Pony.

"No, they don't," Dr. D replied for them. "And Pony, please keep your eyes on the road. I don't _have_ to let you drive."

"True, but who else would wanna haul your ass around if I wasn't here?" Show Pony teased, but turned back in their seat to drive properly nonetheless.

Eventually, despite several more dramatic demonstrations of unsafe driving practices from their enthusiastic chauffeur, the five of them reached their destination in one piece. Show Pony's comment about names had meant Mikey had spent the entire ride thinking about hers, but she still had no idea what it should be.

All five of them exited the van, and in front of them was a decrepit looking house. It was small, only one floor, and several of the windows were broken, but Mikey liked it still. As they entered the building, Mikey's eyes widened, Gerard beside her making a slightly more withheld version of the same expression. While the outside walls had all been a faded brown, blending into the desert around it, the house's interior was covered in intricate, technicolour murals. 

"Woah," was all Mikey could say.

"It's pretty damn shiny," agreed Show Pony, grinning at her.

Apparently, as Mikey had been distracted, Dr. D had gone further into the house, because just then, he wheeled back around the corner with two white ray guns, which he tossed casually across the room to Show Pony. Show Pony caught the guns, and distributed them to Mikey and Gerard.

"We're goin' shootin'.”


	4. Chapter 4

After a few hours spent learning how to use and charge their ray guns, and Dr. D trying to get Gerard to calm down and stop pointing his zap at everyone "as a joke," -- which Show Pony was no help with, as they were playing along, pointing their zap and pretending to duel Gerard until the gun was confiscated by Dr. D -- Mikey and Gerard headed back to the diner, this time with Jet Star at the wheel of the van, and Show Pony, who would be driving the car back, banished to the backseat for being "too distracting." The saying of which prompted Show Pony to wink theatrically and shake their butt, which, incredibly, didn't do much in regards to convincing Jet to let them ride shotgun. 

Mikey was a little relieved when Jet pulled up to the diner. Show Pony had somehow managed to talk nonstop the entire time, whilst simultaneously conveying no information whatsoever.

They and Gerard had gotten very close in the several hours they had known each other, physically as well as emotionally, as the two were draped over each other casually, Gerard's speech matching Show Pony's in quantity and value.

Mikey opened the door when she felt the telltale jolt of the van stopping. Her brother was untangling himself from Show Pony in the corner. When Jet, Mikey, and Gerard were all out of the van, Show Pony produced two plastic masks from somewhere behind them, handing them to Jet.

"You have paint, right?" They asked Jet cryptically.

"Yeah, of course," he replied.

Show Pony nodded, and waved, climbing into the front seat, and tore away, back to their and Dr. D's house.

As Mikey, Jet, and Gerard entered the diner, Mikey fingered the shiny white ray gun in her hands. She couldn't believe they'd actually done this, run away to the desert to be killjoys. It was amazing.

Jet went into the back, leaving Gerard and Mikey to their own devices, and Gerard turned to Mikey.

"You think of a name yet?" He asked her.

Mikey shook her head. She'd been thinking about it since the day before but she couldn't come up with anything good.

"I think I found one I like," said Gerard. "What do you think of Party Poison?"

"It's good!" Mikey said enthusiastically. She was telling the truth. That was a really cool name. It almost made her feel worse about not having one.

"Okay," said Gerard, "I guess I'm Party Poison now." He grinned. "I can't wait to tell Jet!"

"Tell me what?" asked Jet Star, stepping through the curtained dooway that separated the two halves of the building.

"I picked a name!" Said Gerard, at the same time as Mikey said "He found a name!"

"Cool!" Jet grinned. "What is it?"

"Party Poison," replied Gerard.

"Well, Party Poison, congratulations!" Jet said happily.

Gerard -- Poison now -- picking his name made Mikey feel sort of inadequate, to be honest. She felt like she should have a name too, but she didn't even have any ideas. Then, she remembered the other thing she wanted to ask.

Before she had a chance to, though, Jet pulled out two blank white masks from an inside pocket of his jacket.

"You two wanna paint your masks and guns?" He offered. "I have paint in the back, and obviously they can't stay white. You gotta make them suit you."

Poison replied with and enthusiastic "Yes!", and Mikey nodded.

"Okay," said Jet. "Poison, how about you go get the paint? It's in the back room, in the storage closet. It's hard to miss."

Poison said "Sure," and stood up, disappearing through the curtain to get the paint.

"Okay," said Jet. "Now that he's gone, you look like you have something you wanted to ask me. I thought you might want some privacy."

Mikey nodded gratefully.

"Uh.. Show Pony," she started, unsure if it was impolite to ask. "Are they a guy or a girl?"

Jet Star paused, thinking about how to answer, and then said, "In Battery City, everything's black and white, right? They don't like giving you too many choices."

"Yeah," said Mikey slowly.

"Well, when you get out here, it's different. Things are less binary. You have everything to chose from."

Mikey nodded, not sure where this was going.

"It's like how in the city, you could chose between dark or light clothes, and now you get colours too if you like. Out here, gender works the same way. You don't have to stick with what Bat City told you you were. Show Pony, for example, it's like they chose colours, rather than just black or white."

Mikey was still confused, and it showed on her face.

"Sorry, too many metaphors," Jet laughed. "In the City, you were either a guy or a girl, according to what they decided you were when you were born. Out here, that's different. Anyone can be a guy, or a girl, or something else, which is what Show Pony is."

"So... they're not a guy _or_ a girl?" Mikey asked, just to make sure she understood.

"Yep," Jet confirmed, "And they use they/them pronouns, by the way, so just keep doing what you're doing."

"Okay," said Mikey. She supposed it made sense that there would be more variety in the zones for things like this. It also brought up some questions of her own. Mikey remembered the time a few years ago when she had announced to her parents that she was actually a boy, that BLi had made a mistake. They had sent her to a Better Living hospital after that, for 'treatment'. But maybe she had been onto something...

Just then, Poison walked back through the curtain with an armful of paint and paintbrushes, successfully interrupting Mikey's train of thought.

Poison dumped all of it onto one of the tables, and Jet and Mikey walked over to it. Jet handed Poison and Mikey their masks, and the two put their untarnished ray guns on the table as well.

They spent the next few hours painting, getting plenty of colour all over their hands and faces as they worked.

When they finished, Poison's mask was yellow with blue polka dots, and black diamonds bisecting the eyes. His gun was yellow as well, with red and black stripes, and black detailing. There was a sticker on the charge button on the handle, showing a pill with an 'x' underneath.

Mikey took a while to think, but ended up painting her mask red, with black and white shapes. Her gun ended up red like her mask, with white detailing. She also found a sticker with a snake on it which looked cool, so she put it on the charge button like Poison had.

Out the window, deep purple clouds were beginning to gather, approaching over the horizon to fill the brilliant blue sky.

"Shit," said Jet Star. 

Poison looked at him strangely. "Why 'shit'?" He wondered. "It's just rain."

"Yeah. Acid rain," replied Jet Star. "You can tell 'cause the clouds are all purple like that. Means we can't go outside until it's over."

"Oh," said Poison sheepishly. "Well what are we gonna do now?"

"I got stuff to do inside," Jet shrugged. "You guys wanna watch a movie?"

"You have movies?" Mikey asks.

"Yeah," Jet nods, "Nothing fancy though. Just a few DVDs. Show Pony likes trying to fix things, but they don't really want the finished products so they give them away to people. They found a video player in an old building that they gave to me when they were done with it"

"Cool," said Mikey, who only vaguely knew what a DVD was, but went along with it. She assumed she'd be seeing one soon enough.

She and Poison followed Jet into the back, and he went over to the storage closet and pulled out a black box with a few smaller ones on top, a bundle of cords, and a monitor. He set them all on the floor, and plugged in the mess of wires. Jet connected the power and pressed a few buttons, and the screen brightened to life.

"Okay," he said, spreading the small boxes in his hands as the three of them sat down on the ground. "Whaddaya wanna watch?"

Mikey and Poison looked at the three videos for a moment. There was what looked like some kind of pirate movie, a true-crime series, and a western.

After some deliberation, they decided to watch the cowboy one.

The movie was good, in Mikey's opinion. A little cheesy, but fun. She had decided that she quite liked cowboys about halfway through.

When the movie was over, it was nighttime, according to Jet. Mikey couldn't tell, because of the acid rain clouds still darkening the sky, but she trusted his judgement. She and Poison slept beside each other on the mattress like the night before. The only sound was the tapping of the acid rain on the roof, and the silence left lots of space for thoughts to fill Mikey's head.

She remembered what Jet had said earlier, about gender. About not having to be who Better Living decided you were. Mikey thought back on her life. How uncomfortable she was with her body, when she wasn't pushing it away as a negative thought. How she always called herself Mikey, because she hated Michelle. She thought about the time she thought that maybe she was supposed to be a boy. That Better Living had made a mistake. At the time, she had dismissed that as a possibility. She told BLi, and they put her through therapy, gave her more medication, convinced her she was wrong.

But what if she'd really been right? Maybe she _was_ supposed to be a boy. And out here she could be. She had to admit, that sounded pretty good to her.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning at breakfast, Jet had a radio call from Show Pony, begging Jet to let them fix his car, which judging by the face Jet made when they said this, was not an uncommon occurrence. What was uncommon, apparently, was Jet Star giving in. "Why don't you and the kid work on it together?" Jet offered, grinning deviously. Why was he making that face? Show Pony agreed happily, but they sounded a little suspicious as well, beneath their excitement.

When Show Pony arrived that afternoon, Mikey was lying in a booth in the front room.

"What's up, crash queens?" Show Pony cheered, pushing open the doors dramatically. "Heard you had a car that needed fixin'!"

"Hi, Show Pony," said Jet, laughing. Mikey couldn't help but get a little warm and fuzzy every time she heard that laugh.

Pony waved at Mikey, and gestured for her to follow them out back, to where the car presumably was.

Show Pony had some kind of toolkit with them, and looked really excited to be here.

"Have you ever done this before? Like, fixed a car?" Mikey asked, trying to get a conversation going.

"A few times," said Show Pony. "I like taking shit apart, so sometimes people let me screw around with cars that really can't be fixed."

"Cool," replied Mikey.

A few minutes later, Show Pony was face first in the open hood of the car, looking at the engine, and Mikey remembered something that Show Pony could probably help them with.

"Hey, Show Pony?" She said quietly.

"Yeah?" They replied, looking up from the car.

"Uh..." Mikey started nervously. "I thought you might be able to help me with something? How good are you at advice-giving?"

"I think I'm okay, although some people I know might disagree," Show Pony laughed. "What do you need help with?"

"I think I might be a boy," Mikey whispered. It was terrifying to say that out loud, and it must've shown on Mikey's face how she felt, because Show Pony's normally flirty half smile softened into something more sympathetic.

"Hey, it's okay," they said softly, "Can I hug you?" They asked. When Mikey nodded, Show Pony put down their screwdriver and wrapped her in their arms. "It's okay," they repeated, "I know how you feel."

Mikey's eyes were welling up a little. "You do?" she breathed, her voice sounding strangled. She had never considered the fact that Show Pony must've had to figure this out as well. They always seemed so self-assured.

"I do," they said. "I was born in the City too. I ran away because I didn't feel like I had a place there. I didn't even know anyone could be not a boy or a girl."

They stayed there in silence, Pony rubbing Mikey's back, until Pony spoke up again.

"Hey, kid?"

"Yeah?" Mikey mumbled.

"Do you want to be called 'he'?

Mikey nodded quickly into Show Pony's shoulder. Somehow, Mikey had never thought about wanting to be called different pronouns. It had just never seemed plausible. But now that Mikey entertained the possibility, 'he' pronouns seemed more _right_ than being called she and her ever had.

"Okay," said Show Pony. "He."

Mikey teared up again. "He."

*

They worked on the car for a bit longer after their heart-to-heart. Mikey was a bit relieved at this because it meant he wouldn't be going back inside with his eyes all red. Mikey's job mostly ended up involving handing Show Pony tools, but Pony also narrated what they were doing to Mikey, so he did learn quite a bit while they were there.

After a couple of hours, Pony got bored, and dubbed the car a long-term project, to continue working on later. They and Mikey headed back inside.

Over the next few weeks, Mikey and Show Pony worked on that car. Mikey was learning a lot about the inner workings of vehicles, and the car was looking like it might be driveable again soon. It really was a nice car. A bright white Trans AM, in good condition, other than the engine.

Mikey and Show Pony talked a lot while they were working on their project. About gender, and the desert, and what Mikey's killjoy name would be. Mikey had a few ideas. Mikey hadn't told Poison he was a boy yet. He didn't think he was quite ready.

Eventually, the Trans AM was finished. It was time to show Jet and Poison their hard work.

Mikey walked into the diner, Show Pony trailing close behind. Together, they walked through the building into the front room, where Poison and Jet were sitting.

"Hey, guys," Mikey said, causing the two men to look at him. "Wanna see how all my and Pony's hard work paid off?"

Poison grinned, and stood up, Jet Star following suit. "Let's go," Poison said.

They all walked back out of the diner, and the two younger teens lead their friends to where the car is parked.

"Whaddaya think?" asked Show Pony, with their usual flirty smirk.

"I think..." started Poison, tapping his chin jokingly. "I think... it needs more colours!"

"One second," said Mikey, and walked around to the other side of the car, and grabbed the stack of bright paints and brushes behind it.

He walked back into view, and set down the pigment. "Ta da!" he sang.

"Shiny!" cheered Poison. Jet grinned as well, looking just as excited, and they started to paint the white surface. When they were finished, the four stepped back to look at their creation.

"It's perfect," said Jet. Nobody could argue with that.

*

That night, Mikey gathered his strength. He was tired of keeping this big a secret from two of the most important people in his life. He still didn't feel ready, but he probably never would, so he was going for it.

Mikey called Party Poison and Jet Star to one of the tables in the main room.

"Guys, I have something I wanna tell you," he said, taking a deep breath to try and calm down.

Jet and Poison looked at him expectantly.

"Well, two things, actually. The first one is, I picked my killjoy name. I'm Kobra Kid,"

Poison and Jet cheered, and congratulated Mikey. Step one, complete, now for the big one.

"Second," Mikey closed his eyes and took another breath. "I'm a boy."

Poison and Jet were quiet for a second. Mikey's heart was beating incredibly quickly. Then, Poison smiled, Jet mirroring his expression a moment later. Poison got up, and walked to the other side of the table where Mikey sat, and pulled him into a hug.

"So I guess that means you're okay with it?" Mikey laughed with relief.

"You're my brother, Mikes. Of course I am," Poison said.

"Thanks," Mikey smiled at him, then looked over at Jet "What about you?" He asked cautiously.

"Dude, I've been friends with Show Pony forever! You would know if I was a dick about this, with all the time you spend with them."

Mikey laughed, and held out one arm to Jet. "Then c'mere man, group hug."

Jet obliged, and they all stood there, hugging, in the middle of the diner. Mikey -- Kobra now, he supposed -- couldn't stop smiling.

"Welcome to the family, Kobra Kid," Jet said warmly. He was right, Kobra thought. This was his family.

Later, when Kobra was in bed, his brother by his side and Jet across the room, he thought about something Show Pony had said, in those weeks working on the car. For killjoys, the desert was home. The sand was in your veins. You made your own family here, closer than blood, and in the cool dark of the night, surrounded by two of his best friends, Kobra could see why everyone out here had such close ties to the desert, to the sun and the sand. The zones were freedom. The zones were home, and Kobra felt happier here than any BLi pill could ever make him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m writing a sequel! The next book is about Fun Ghoul, and it’s angstier than this one so I think I’m gonna write the whole thing first and then post on a consistent schedule from there. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @phoenixaccio


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